Monday, 30 January 2012

Friends, why do we lose them?

One loses and makes friends many times in life. But we should not lose heart, and should instead take it as a lesson in life. It serves to remind us that we should not rely too much on people or this dunya, but that we should seek to rely upon Allah Most High, who is al-Wali (The Friend).

If we never experienced the loss of friends in this world, then we would be very surprised on the Day of Judgement when a mother will leave her child, a father his son, a brother his sister, a husband his wife, a friend his friend, and vice versa.

But Allah Most High has given us a similitude of the shocks and frightening and desperate situation of the next world, so that we can learn.  Further the Qur’an says (43:67):” Friends on that day will be foes, one to another,- except the Righteous.”  This also shows us the importance of who we take as friends and should cause us to reflect upon our friendships and companionships.

Is the friendship based on good and piety?
Or is it based selfish desires and whims?

The Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) emphasised how we are influenced by our friends when he said “A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so beware whom you befriend.” (Abu Dawud)

If we adopt the company of bad friends, we probably will then deteriorate our morals and character and deeds.  But if we adopt the company of good friends, then we will increase our morals and character and deeds. They also increase/strengthen our Iman (belief in Islam) and give peace in our hearts, and make us happy or console us when we’re sad.

The good friends are those who remind each other of Allah Most High, and encourage the good, and forbid the evil, carry out the obligatory Islamic duties, and strive to draw closer to Allah Most High. It is such that are the righteous and whose friendship will be of benefit on the Day of Judgement. The bad friends will only be a cause for our loss in this world and next, as they will lead to our sins increasing, and ditch us in our times of need. The best friends are not those who help us in this world and lead to our loss in the next world. On the other hand a true friend is one who helps us in our time of need, and that is what is of benefit in the hereafter.

The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter” (Muhasibi)

And will these friends pray for us often after we die? Will they ask Allah Most High to donate the reward of Qur’an, even 1 year after we die? Or will they forget about us really quickly? So strive to make friends that are real friends, who will help us when it really matters.

Furthermore will these friends help us improve?
Will they sincerely notify us of ours faults, so that we can be better people?
Or will they stay quiet at our faults, only to see us have our faults revealed on the Day of Judgement, when revelation of faults is too late to help us?
If our faults are revealed now, we can strive to correct them before it’s too late.

Also since good companions are based on piety, then such friendships are much more likely to last, since they are more closer to the Prophetic way, and so there is more forgiveness, better character, patience, sincerity and help.

Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Allah Almighty will say on the Day of Rising, 'Where are those who loved one another for the sake of My majesty? Today, on the day when there is no shade but My shade, I will shade them.'" [Muslim]

"Allah Almighty says, 'My love is mandatory for those who love one another in Me and sit together for My sake and who visit one another for My sake and who give generously to one another for My sake.''" [Muwatta']

Mu'adh said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'Allah, the Mighty and Exalted, says, "Those who love one another for My majesty will have minbars of lights. The Prophets and martyrs will envy them."'" [at-Tirmidhi]

The above Hadiths show the importance of making friends for the sake of Allah Most High, and that if one does that, then one will preserve the benefits of friendships till the next world. This is the true meaning of “best friends forever”.  Because then even if one loses a friend, one knows that since s/he made friends for Allah’s sake, the reward exists with Allah Most High, especially His shade (which will be given to only 6 other types of people).

The friendship based on love also means that one is more likely to adopt the Prophetic way of forgiveness and overlooking a friend’s faults/injuries to you, since your aim is Allah Most High, not how the person can benefit you in terms of short term goals (like job, or finding a spouse, or getting connections).

Sorry for the long post, but I hope I showed the importance of friendship and that we should strive to love each other for Allah’s sake, not for selfish reasons. We should not feel sad at the loss of friends but should nevertheless strive to help people. I have mentioned the above benefits of friendship with good people, but our purpose should be to make friends for the sake of Allah Most High, striving to be closer to Him.


  1. hello! i think i like ur writing

  2. Well done, it's a good reminder to all Muslims that in friendship, as in all our deeds, must be for Allah swt's sake. Only then we will have peace of mind.

  3. MashaAllah a very accurate article. A good friend is always someone who can bring you closer to Allah, not one who tempts you into sin. A loss of a friend is nothing compared to the loss of Allah's favour, should one stray due to a friend's influence.

  4. Wahh!! I love your writing so much. Best friends forever are the one who wants to see us happy in dunya and hereafter. Sincerity and love one another for Allah ^_^

  5. Subhan Allah, great article. Losing friends over petty issues is silly, I think if they are true friends then that shouldn't happen. and if it does, then it shows how weak the bases of your friendship is. Always love and forgive for the sake of Allah.