Pakdor- news has arrived of a boy called “Freshie” with new powers, the like of legends from times far far away. Our reporter Mr Lelaki Monyet has more.
Initially the boy raised eyebrows when he would get 100 percent in all his exams and convert everyone to hijabis. About exams, some thought he was cheating because he was the student, the one everyone hates because he'd rarely show up to lectures or do any work, yet do amazing in exams. However it was discovered that in dreams, nights before the exam, he would see the exam questions and answers, and go to girls' dreams and ask them to become hijabis. He said that he just trusts in Allah swt, and He gives to him.
His parents are displeased however because he didn't take 50 GCSEs, so couldn't get 50 A*****'s. They said “the neighbours had 50 gcses combined but our son is worth more than them all!”.
The MSIA (Mat Sale Intelligence Association) has assumed that the boy gets his power from THE golden ring, and have tried to assassinate him. The head of MIA, Mr Mama said " the boy knew the future and didn't inform the MSIA about the Mushroom 11 attacks before they occurred. But they failed in assassinating him as he knew our plans already. We are dealing with a well coordinated network of evil kids-next-door".
Initially the boy raised eyebrows when he would get 100 percent in all his exams and convert everyone to hijabis. About exams, some thought he was cheating because he was the student, the one everyone hates because he'd rarely show up to lectures or do any work, yet do amazing in exams. However it was discovered that in dreams, nights before the exam, he would see the exam questions and answers, and go to girls' dreams and ask them to become hijabis. He said that he just trusts in Allah swt, and He gives to him.
His parents are displeased however because he didn't take 50 GCSEs, so couldn't get 50 A*****'s. They said “the neighbours had 50 gcses combined but our son is worth more than them all!”.
The MSIA (Mat Sale Intelligence Association) has assumed that the boy gets his power from THE golden ring, and have tried to assassinate him. The head of MIA, Mr Mama said " the boy knew the future and didn't inform the MSIA about the Mushroom 11 attacks before they occurred. But they failed in assassinating him as he knew our plans already. We are dealing with a well coordinated network of evil kids-next-door".
The Mushroom extremistsMeanwhile Evil-land president Netanyoohoo said “Mr Freshie should be bombed because he is secretly planning to make nuclear weapons. Proof is that he is Muslim and his knowledge is the knowledge of secrets.”
But the boy refuted them, saying “I am a pious and peaceful Muslim and gold is haram for males. People convert because of the miracles Allah has given me, and by the manners I have.”
But the boy refuted them, saying “I am a pious and peaceful Muslim and gold is haram for males. People convert because of the miracles Allah has given me, and by the manners I have.”
Freshie has been approached by many girls for dates and being girlfriends but he declined and said he knew the future and that they would cheat on him. One girl said “I want to date him because he's got a priceless ring and I want to stop him from throwing it in the volcanoe of Pakdor. Plus I can sunbathe near the heat of the volcanoe and become tanned if he takes me there. But I do worry about his hairy feat, I heard Pakdor people are very hairy.”
A Pakistani girl however commented 'why go Pakdor to become brown when you can just go Pakistan? I told you, the Pakistani skin colour beautiful. If you want to be Westernised, then remember the white girls want to become Asianised! So be proud of your own skin'
A Pakistani girl however commented 'why go Pakdor to become brown when you can just go Pakistan? I told you, the Pakistani skin colour beautiful. If you want to be Westernised, then remember the white girls want to become Asianised! So be proud of your own skin'
However he said “once I was tempted by a pretty looking girl. But then I saw that her make up wore off in the rain and I realised that she was a gay guy! Even one time I got asked by 5 different girls, but then I caught one of them transforming, and I realised that it was a jinn trying to marry me! So I read Ayat al-Kursi and she melted on the spot. I guess jinns and girls can’t resist my cuteness, I beat Dustbin Beeber any day masha’Allah!”
Another girl “Lovegood” said 'I just want to date him so I can ask him 'look into my eyes and tell me what you can see'.”
Another girl “Lovegood” said 'I just want to date him so I can ask him 'look into my eyes and tell me what you can see'.”
The boy is actually humble and said “an intelligent, reliable and religious girl would ask for marriage, not do haram through dating and relationships. The Prophet said: "there are seven whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade... a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah,..a man who is called by a woman of beauty and position [for illegal intercourse], but be says: 'I fear Allah'" ”
An atheist philosopher Dr Bert Brussels said previously “the boy just guessed the answers.This is all the myth of religion, science knows everything.”
An atheist philosopher Dr Bert Brussels said previously “the boy just guessed the answers.This is all the myth of religion, science knows everything.”
But when the boy told Bert about his secret cravings for muffin men, and his secret life as the evil Penguin man, he converted to Islam and admitted that Freshie gets his knowledge from Allah. Since then, Ran has converted his mad scientist personality to trying to make a Slipperenstein, a robot that protects slippers from being stolen at the Masjid by evil people.
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