Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Muslim Characters part 1- Muslim Lion Comedy

You get many different types of people in the ISOC (Islamic Society) or MSA. Here’s a list of some (note that when I say "he/him", it also applies to "she/her", I'm just lazy):

The owl (scowler)- whenever he sees a person sin, like drink, he scowls at them, s/he then says 'that's haram, you're not going to get that in Jannah now, I will forever drink pure, amazing, non-intoxicating wine in front of you, that's gonna be my wish and you’ll want it for eternity and never get it muhahaha”. Or if the person commits adultery, s/he will say “ah, you’ll never get beautiful companion in Jannah, and you’ll drooooool over mine for infinite time in Jannah! But if you sincerely repent and never do it again, Allah Most High is Most Merciful”

The silent one- never says salams or anything, just comes to pray and disappears like a jinn. A sociable person sees him and says 'Salamu alaikum, salams, salaaaaams, why you no say SALAMS!'

The liberal- one who parties, and thinks everything is halal in the religion. Only comes to isoc events that involve meeting girls or going on outdoor trips. He randomly appears to a Muslim girl and says 'Hey did you see me rave last night? I was a bare waste mannnn!'

The humble- doesn't take credit for anything and doesn't go for any leadership positions and thinks no one will marry him. He thinks low of himself, and says 'don't call me bro, call me 'no one''

The arrogant- he loves to think he's always right and boasts a lot. He says 'I prayed 100 raka'ats in 2 mins, did you see? I bet no one can do that!' Another replies 'the Prophet commanded to pray with your prostrations etc done properly and with khushu. The Prophet said "
“When you go to pray, say takbeer, then recite whatever you can of the Qur’aan. Then bow until you are at ease in bowing, then rise until you are standing up straight. Then prostrate until you are at ease in prostration, then sit up until you are at ease in sitting. Then do that throughout the entire prayer" (Bukhari)"

The knowledgeable- has solutions to almost all the world's problems and knows deep and complex things others haven't even thought of. He says 'the istiwa ayaat are mutashaabihaat. Only the karramiyya take it at dhahir. We do tafwid al-ma'na and that is the way of the Ash'aris and the Maturidis and the Salaf. They are the Ahlus Sunnah'

The sporty- has no life except in sports. He says 'did you watch the 10 footie games yesterday? Even pakhtunkhwa played against selangor. It was funny watching them play without shoes!'

The pervert- thinks the Islamic command is to heighten your gaze, is always near girls or at girly events, particularly charity events where no brothers turn up. You see him trying to eliminate segregation of the genders. He says' 'you are my sister, we're all big family, so we're all mahram, its halal for me to touch you'. A sister replies “no, mahrams are those you can’t marry. So you can’t touch me. The Prophet said “better for a Believer to be struck in the head with a hot iron rod than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him. [Tabarani]. Obviously the sin for a woman touching a non-mahram is similar”

The nerd- always in his books. Goes to no socials and wears the same clothes like a uniform. He says 'can you follow this Qur'anic maths miracle:

1) List all the chapter numbers of the book 
2) Sum the 1st point. You get 6555
3) List the number of verses for each corresponding chapter. 
4) Sum the 3rd point. You get 6236
5) Add each chapter number with the corresponding number of verses
6) Put the even results of 5th point in one column and the odd in another
7) Sum each column of 6th point. You get 6236 and 6555"

The finger (pointer)- blames isoc for everything, but does nothing himself at all. He says 'why did the isoc not organise more socials and talks? What do you exec do all day? Have chappli kebab or durian?'. An exec says 'I've never seen you in any isoc event, you should help, we're short of volunteers. We also have to study you know. The Prophet said:
 “The garden (paradise) is the obligatory reward of anyone at whose hands someone becomes Muslim.” (Tabarani kabir 786)

1 comment:

  1. you forgot the one who tries to be funny :p