Friday, 9 March 2012

Halal? International Lions Day- Muslim Lion Comedy

Narnia- lions in the country have taken to the forest, demanding that there be an 'international lions day' and said that it is halal to do. They argue that they have to raise awareness of many snow wolves killing innocent lions.


'Its a genocide. They even take the Muslim lions and shave their beards off. We know its haram to shave the hair in the jaw since it forms the beard. The Prophet said "Be different from the polytheists: let your beards grow full and shorten your moustaches.” (Bukhari). Its the ultimate Islamophobia!' one lion called 'Asad' claimed. 


The problems started when the bionist wolves encroached upon the forest and massacred many lions and made the lions refugees as they kicked the lions from their homes, and  pushed others to a 10 metre wide forest area, with no access to water, whilst constructing an enclosing wall. The bionists said that the lions need no water, since they can just do wudu by licking themselves.


The oppression and inferiority complex has meant that hijabi lions have become an almost exitinct species. The lionesses look towards their oppressors as a more civilised and developed species, so are adopting their ways. They think that changing the dress will change their scientific advancement as the lions have been stuck in the same technology for centuries.


The lions also complain that wolves don't value their life as equals. Whole villages of lions have been destroyed just because a few lion cubs roared at the wolves. Then the wolves came with their sledges and wiped out many innocent lions in the snowy UK type summer.






Mr Netanyoohoo said 'the life of a lion is worth less than the life of a wolf. But even then, we have never killed a single lion without a valid treason. We have evidence that secretly every single one of them wanted to harm us. Even though the lions may only have claws to fight, we know they all are trying to pursue nuclear weapons to balance our nukes. But now that we've subjugated them, hakuna matata (no worries!)'


However the lions of Narnia have not helped their own situation since they just lie around, smoking shisha and watching sports all day and when attacked, can't run because they cough from their smoke.


Lions and animals outside of Narnia have refused to take sides, with the king of Mordan saying 'we can never know which party is innocent. There's always two sides to the story, even if baby lions are killed by the wolves.' Yet they were spotted arming the wolves with sophisticated sledges. Also the other lions have refused to give refuge to other lions on the nationality basis that they don't belong to the 'pride land'. This is despite the fact that the Prophet said "“The Muslim Ummah is like one body. If the eye is in pain then the whole body is in pain and if the head is in pain then the whole body is in pain”"


The lions of Narnia have threatened to take the case to the UA (United Animals) to resolve the issue but the president of the snakes, Mrs Clinton Cards said 'the situation should be solved through negotiation of the two parties. Going to the UA will only worsen the situation and discourage peace since it will give lions some power. They can't be kings again and start opening up halal butchers everywhere, then we'll have no animals left. After all, all animals are halal in the shari'a of lions'






Some people tried to discredit the Khalifa Aslan by saying that he's a Christian in disguise. They base it on the story that Aslan sacrificed himself for the community's sins. However Aslan refuted them saying 'this is only a fake conspiracy theory propagated by the bionist CS Lewis and done by a look-a-like. I didn't die at all.'



1 comment: