Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Muslim Characters part 2- Muslim Lion Comedy

The desperate single- always asking for references of other people and stalking facebook for their marriage status. He says ' do you know anyone looking for marriage, will be a housewife and will never work? Why is everyone married but me?'

The aunty- the student who has connections and tries to get everyone married, but has a 0 success rate, apart from having found a spouse for herself. She says 'did you see that guy? He's single and cute, he's going to be a doctor you know, amazing kids he's going to have. Why not him? Oh you're so picky!'

The Women-a-phobic- gets really tense, shy and red when a woman comes in the same room. He says 'omG what's that? A woman, run! She's going to explode!!!'

The extremist- holds extreme views on Islam and is the opposite extreme to the liberal extremist. Says 'why am I in this kafir uni, this whole place is haram, even the prayer hall!'

The joker- makes everyone laugh, and laughs at everything. He says 'why did the man cross the road? To get to his 4 wives hahaha you et it? Max 4 wives... Argh never mind, you’re one of the damn feminists!'

The music addict- is always listening to music, with headphones in his ears, even in the prayer hall, disrespecting Allah. He says 'music is my food food food fooooooood (in high pitch)'. A brother says 'drugs are a druggies’ food too, you're an addict'. The Prophet said: “On the day of Resurrection, Allah will pour molten lead into the ears of whoever sits listening to a songstress” (Recorded by Ibn Asakir & Ibn al-Misri).

The gossiper- keeps spreading rumours, talks and backbites a lot even in the prayer hall. She says 'did you know Bilal loves Ruby and secretly dating? I can tell because he asked her 'do you need help with that heavy bag? Its a code for 'shall I take your bag and we can go for another date?”. This despite the Prophet saying (note that the Qur’an talks about backbiting people being like eating flesh) "When I ascended through the heavens, I passed by some people holding copper nails with which they were gouging their faces and chests. I said, 'Who are these, Jibril?' He said, 'Those are the people who consumed people's flesh and attacked their honour.'" [Abu Dawud]

The all-in-one- one who has all the good qualities. If its a guy, then all the girls love him and even say 'I wish men could marry more than one, then he could marry us all hehe!'

The bid'a-basher- only knows two languages. The language of shirk, and the language of bid'a. Fumes seem to come out of him, as if he's in hell. He says 'bid'a, shirk, bid'a, shirkkkkkk,” and huffs and puffs away!

The dumb- people wonder how he got into the university and life. How does he manage to cross the road every day? He says 'I'm going to fail this degree, going to come as the worst student ever!'

The strong- is the strongest brother or sister. Girls ofen ask "ooowh what dates have you been eating?"

The kid- still hasn't gotten over video games and cartoons. He says 'assassins creed 11 is coming out tomorrow, I'm going to queue now at 12 am. Pray salatul haajah for me that I get the game peeps!'

The freshie- always leaves the toilet as if he did ghusl (shower) there. He says 'wagoneeeee brooooo. Where's the halal chicks? Or can you only slaughter chickens?'

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