Makkah- The Couch Potatoes Muslim Corporation (CPMC) has announced plans for new technology to help Hajjis complete their hajj in the least action possible way. One product is the Hajjware.
The head of CPMC, Jonathan Gori describes the innovation “basically it’s a high tech chair that runs around the Ka’ba as the user sits comfortably and it helps in all the hajj rituals. For example in the stoning the Devil part, you just aim the fire button and it automatically fires 7 numbers of small stones. It even transforms into a bed for times out of the tent and chants the “labbayk” for you via its speaker.”
"It compliments our Wii hajj, which basically simulates the hajj and allows you to do hajj from wherever you are, and allows you to train and become fit enough. You can even box up the shaytan in our Muslimised Wii boxing pack"
A "hajji" beating up shaytan
CPMC has been a hit since its launch in the early 21st century, it’s potential market is 99% of Muslims and compliments the aim to make Islamic attractions a lucrative business with big sky scrapers and 5 star hotels at Holy Sites.
CPMC also has achieved a hit via the online market since it started selling the “I don’t care about Muslims (IDCAM)” software. It blocks all emails and stalkbook invitations to help charities and other Islamic causes from the computer. One satisfied Muslim customer remarked “I used to get a stupid invitation every week like one where I was asked to donate a £1 for an orphan but then the IDCAM came and it saved my life!”
The latest project of CPMC involves making an android (Salahoid) that prays for you. Jonathan said "we know that many Muslims don't do salah/prayer or make any effort in things, but they want to earn the reward of salah and go to Jannah without any effort, so we decided, what if we make an android that prays? Then the lazy Muslim can buy it, and earn the reward of the android doing worship!"
Prototype of Salahoid as a Shia
Mr GCSE, a liberal/modernist, who thinks he is qualified in Islam because he studied Islam in GCSE commented "Muslim scholars today are backwards, they need to move with the times and technology. Islam is about ease and science, of course we can get androids to do our salah and we don't need to do salah now. Besides, many Muslims can't prostrate, because they've become halalmacs now. The Prophet didn't address this issue because there were no androids at the time"
Sheikh Saheeh commented "why is it that Muslims can't make anything? The non-Muslims are making all this hajjware etc technology. Besides, an android made by a non-Muslim, is a non-Muslim, so its salah is not valid. Plus the Salahoid is not Sunni, see how the Salahoid prays on his sides! Also just like it isn't sufficient if you dedicate a child to pray for you, an android won't do any good. The Prophet laid down the framework for ijtihad and Islamic rulings, and its clear by qiyas, that the salah of the android is not valid. It also has no soul!
People need to respect scholars and follow them, since they have knowledge of the complexities of Islamic law and various evidences, and Allah swt commanded it ""O you believe, obey God and obey the messenger and those with authority among you" (Qur'an 4:59). Sayyidina Ibn Abbas said that those in authority refers to the scholars of Islam. Also the Prophet said "“Scholars are the inheritors of the prophets.” (Tirmidhi)""
NB- Muslim Lion accepts no legal responsibility for people ordering the IDCAM from ebay or for being liable to the Sale of Goods Act 1979 or for people believing such things. Nor is the fatwa of an android praying, a real fatwa.
The head of CPMC, Jonathan Gori describes the innovation “basically it’s a high tech chair that runs around the Ka’ba as the user sits comfortably and it helps in all the hajj rituals. For example in the stoning the Devil part, you just aim the fire button and it automatically fires 7 numbers of small stones. It even transforms into a bed for times out of the tent and chants the “labbayk” for you via its speaker.”
"It compliments our Wii hajj, which basically simulates the hajj and allows you to do hajj from wherever you are, and allows you to train and become fit enough. You can even box up the shaytan in our Muslimised Wii boxing pack"
A "hajji" beating up shaytanCPMC has been a hit since its launch in the early 21st century, it’s potential market is 99% of Muslims and compliments the aim to make Islamic attractions a lucrative business with big sky scrapers and 5 star hotels at Holy Sites.
CPMC also has achieved a hit via the online market since it started selling the “I don’t care about Muslims (IDCAM)” software. It blocks all emails and stalkbook invitations to help charities and other Islamic causes from the computer. One satisfied Muslim customer remarked “I used to get a stupid invitation every week like one where I was asked to donate a £1 for an orphan but then the IDCAM came and it saved my life!”
The latest project of CPMC involves making an android (Salahoid) that prays for you. Jonathan said "we know that many Muslims don't do salah/prayer or make any effort in things, but they want to earn the reward of salah and go to Jannah without any effort, so we decided, what if we make an android that prays? Then the lazy Muslim can buy it, and earn the reward of the android doing worship!"
Mr GCSE, a liberal/modernist, who thinks he is qualified in Islam because he studied Islam in GCSE commented "Muslim scholars today are backwards, they need to move with the times and technology. Islam is about ease and science, of course we can get androids to do our salah and we don't need to do salah now. Besides, many Muslims can't prostrate, because they've become halalmacs now. The Prophet didn't address this issue because there were no androids at the time"
Sheikh Saheeh commented "why is it that Muslims can't make anything? The non-Muslims are making all this hajjware etc technology. Besides, an android made by a non-Muslim, is a non-Muslim, so its salah is not valid. Plus the Salahoid is not Sunni, see how the Salahoid prays on his sides! Also just like it isn't sufficient if you dedicate a child to pray for you, an android won't do any good. The Prophet laid down the framework for ijtihad and Islamic rulings, and its clear by qiyas, that the salah of the android is not valid. It also has no soul!
People need to respect scholars and follow them, since they have knowledge of the complexities of Islamic law and various evidences, and Allah swt commanded it ""O you believe, obey God and obey the messenger and those with authority among you" (Qur'an 4:59). Sayyidina Ibn Abbas said that those in authority refers to the scholars of Islam. Also the Prophet said "“Scholars are the inheritors of the prophets.” (Tirmidhi)""
NB- Muslim Lion accepts no legal responsibility for people ordering the IDCAM from ebay or for being liable to the Sale of Goods Act 1979 or for people believing such things. Nor is the fatwa of an android praying, a real fatwa.
Salam, Aslan :)
ReplyDeleteI think this is just hilarious! And packs with important lessons, yes! Hahah. I like the way you imposed those euphemisms using humours rather than directly pinpointing your points, which is awfully funny and interesting really :D
Keep up the good work, mate!
p/s: Now I see how terrible vid games & cartoons' influence could get. lol
nice ^^
ReplyDelete